Brave - Sara Bareilles

You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love
Or you can start speaking up
Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do
When they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

Everybody’s been there,
Everybody’s been stared down by the enemy
Fallen for the fear
And done some disappearing,
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, stop holding your tongue
Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

And since your history of silence
Won’t do you any good,
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

Insecurities...

LIST of MY IMPERFECTIONS

• I've been too scared to admit that I never have the gut to challenge myself with other perspectives, other actions, and other things that I longed to do but I never did. I'm capable of doing many cool things but I kept myself from taking the risks and backed out instead. I have talents to be explored and developed, yet I held my steps by ignoring the chances I had. I'm a pessimist, that's my character, and don't blame me for who I am because I was born with that character.
• I'm too dependent  on my parents, yes I still do, until now. Can't let any single problems without their interference. I hardly had any big decisions without asking them, I chose to follow sometimes. But when I have my own will, I would not even share or even listen to others although my own decisions seem absurd or all wrong. Yes, curse me for this stupid brain. 
• I can never be confident with my appearance. Being that chubby-kid all of your life do many things to you, if you know what I mean. 
• Yes, it's a fact that I'm having a trust issue. So what? I'm that kind of person who trust nobody, like I don't trust myself. Don't blame me for who I am now as I have that scar that can't be healed. You never be me, and you don't know the life I'm living. I don't give that much shit about how you live your own life too, so why bother mine?
• I don't do details, I'm practical but I'm not that logical. You know what I mean.

okay, maybe these are my excuses of being imperfect person after all..but still..nobody's perfect, right?

Now the problem is... I want to change. I don't want to keep these negatives on me... I will still be myself, but I want to fix all the broken parts of my brain and my attitude...somebody help me please..................................

Ibu, I love you,,,

(copied from my facebook)

Mom, I don't tell this often enough,, I love you dearly and you are the most important person in my life... I might barely show you my feeling, let alone do it in actions, but I really appreciate all that you do for me... Thanks for all the sacrifice you have made... I love you Mom, no matter what... I promise to make you proud someday...

Another random thoughts

Bingung. Galau. Restless. Fucked up.Call it anything with bad words and I still don't know how to define this feeling. I've been practically doing nothing (okay, it's got to be something) with my thesis, my job, my social-life, hell even my love life. Nothing. Zero. Nada. Uh-oh.
My best-friends seem to have found their new places to be explored, and here I am still struggling with my own shits. Well, yeah, shits like a life I m living now. It's not that I m complaining with the life, no, I m complaining to myself that I could not move my-sorry-ass to get on with something instead of wondering with many "what if"s.... call me a loser, and yeah that's what I am,, A LOSER. Capital LOSER for my own life.

Trust

She Has Secrets You'll Never Know Or Understand,
She Appears So Strong On The Outside,
But On The Inside Her World Is Spinning Upside Down.
Shes Smiling And Standing Tall 2 The Outta World,
Shes Crying And Breaking Down In Her Inner World.

She Appears So Happy 2 Her Mates,
But Alone, She Shares Her Tears With Her Pillow.
She Knows Not 2 Get Her Hopes Up,
As They Always Come Crashing Down.
Shes Heard It All Before & Felt It All.
Shes Experienced More Then Her Fair Share.
1 Touch, & She'll Flinch
1 Harsh, Word & She'll Cry
1 Bad Moment, & She'll Break Down

She Trusts No1, Because The People She Has, Hurt Her & Leave Her 2 Pick Up The Pieces
She Believes No1, Because The People She Has, Lie & Betray Her.
So For Now She'll Keep 2 Herself & Pretend Everything Is Fine, When Everything Is Wrong

I Know This Girl, Because This Girl...
Is Me.

- Leiysh-